Three Is A Crowd

Reading key 

Pearl’s writing: Non – Italic

Abeiku’s writing: Italic

You know how when you become close to someone regardless of the relationship be it friendships etc , you can read conversations via text in their voice , have a gut feeling something is not right with them or something is generally off, this happened to us early on in our journey.

If there’s one thing Pearl has always been good at, it is knowing how I feel or the fact that something is bothering me, without even saying it. Not to say I don’t let her know but she usually has a head start on that. 

The interesting thing is when we were on cloud 9 (still are though) but you know what l mean; the times you call and ask each other; are you breathing well today? (l know it’s cheesy), we had conversations on how it may not always be like that going forward and on bad days where there was the need to seek God and keep choosing each other.

Trust me, if you fall, it doesn’t mean everything automatically falls in place as well. As she said, we still have the cloud 9 feeling but to be very honest, that alone is not enough because there are challenges that will definitely take you by storm and turn your cloud into raindrops. We’ll share one of such instances with you.

So within this period, l had met a good number of his friends. So to keep the person anonymous, we would call her Efua. I met Efua, one of Abei’s friends and l liked her. As you can tell from the previous posts l like to keep to myself and the few people l know. So not that we were going to be best of friends or anything but l genuinely liked her. (l still do). 

At this point, I believe a few of you may already know where this is headed. Yes. It is a very real possibility, no matter how much you think nothing can sway you. 

First off, there were parts of her I could hugely identify with, although we were different in other aspects. It was almost like staring at a reflection of me. My friends met her at an event and within a few minutes of interaction, one of my friends blurted out: “well you two are almost alike.” So l could see why Efua and Abei would be friends. She is a really great person.

If you didn’t understand what I was trying to say earlier, now I suppose you do. Imagine falling and still having second thoughts because you think there’s another person you vibe with, equally and may probably be a good fit for you. I was treading on dangerous ground without realizing the effects it would have on us. 

This was when I began to notice that our conversations had become full of Efua did this and that and it went on and on for a while.  There were also certain changes that l had seen but Abei had become oblivious of. So instead of speaking out, classical me began to withdraw and we were becoming distant.

Looking back at the situation, I am wondering what was going on in my mind during that period. This was just the first year. Maybe I had not fully wrapped my head around the implications of asking someone’s daughter that I wanted to be in a relationship with her. That was no excuse though. I had to come clean and fix whatever emotional mess I was about to, or had already caused. Thank God for sense to handle the situation and for her reaction too. 

So one time, Abei reaches out and mentions he has something to tell me. That he is confused about something with regards to us. Almost instantly, my gut knew where he was driving at and l was mentally preparing for a break up. So he finally shares how he feels about Efua. Nothing physical had happened between them but it was apparent he liked her as well. I was hurt and disappointed.

I managed to tell the truth without dying. Tell the truth. If you can’t, then maybe you shouldn’t even be there. Why leave something like that without letting it be known. I mean it’s better to know now than find out at a later stage. The thing with this is, the news becomes more difficult to swallow as time goes on. 

One thing really relevant to me is honesty and transparency and that’s something l have come to appreciate about  Abei. Regardless of how difficult a conversation it is, we would have it. It would have been easy for him to dismiss it and not not mention it to me at all since Efua had no clue and nothing physical had happened.

Your woman knows half the things you tell her even before she does. If you lie, you’d just keep spinning a web of lies until you get yourself entangled. At that point, she may have already given up on the whole thing. 

My stance however was to go on a break for him to sort himself out. I actually proposed he tell her and choose her not because l was not hurt or being a hard girl but l sincerely felt it was the most logical thing. She was closer to him, and as I stated earlier, she is really a great girl and it’s not her fault so there was no energy for resenting anyone even. I had to take my L and go nurse my broken heart. But Abei would not back down. He was certain “us” was it and we needed to push through.

I figured her idea of the break was more long term or even permanent. I knew she would just push me away until the “short break to sort myself out” would become a permanent break up. That wasn’t my plan though. Deep down, I know that wasn’t hers either. If you grew up in my house, you’d know why prayer was my first line of action. I prayed about the whole situation and felt some peace in all the chaos. I mean here I, Kweku Abeiku was, about to lose a relationship we had worked hard for, in under a year, but strangely, I was quite calm. I asked that we meet up and talk about it. Two days later, she did. I made her understand that whatever that was, it was fleeting. I reassured her. She understood. Her role in us solving this was as much as mine. Mindset was a big part of it as well. Also, we had already put in much effort and figured extra effort wouldn’t kill us. No matter how little the signs may be, you are very well aware when there is a third person entering from your side. Know what to do to keep the number at two.

We don’t know which part of the  journey you’re on in your relationship, but share with us:

-Have you met someone that intrigued you like your partner or seemed better than your partner? What did you do? Have you had that conversation yet?

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